Read It All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything Bill Eddy 9781936268023 Books

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Product details Paperback 368 pages Publisher High Conflict Institute Press; Second Printing edition (February 21, 2012) Language English ISBN-10 1936268027

It All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything Bill Eddy 9781936268023 Books Reviews

• I've read other books in an effort to find good advice on dealing with a family member with a HCP (high conflict personality), but none really had much to offer besides a description of the problem (and some had really good descriptions). This book actually offers solid advice on how to minimize conflict and change the pattern of blame that arises with HCP's. In particular, this is the most useful book I've read with regards to dealing with someone with borderline and narcissistic traits. The book explains how to break out of the feedback loop of Mistaken Assessment of Danger -> Aggressive Defensiveness-> Negative Feedback -> Mistaken Assessment of Danger which fuels the conflict in people with these traits.
• Bill Eddy's It's All Your Fault is a must-have book for anyone (and that is most of us) who have what he calls High Conflict People in our lives. What makes this book so valuable is that it isn't a psychology book, even though he does briefly write about the origins of the personality disorders that HCPs suffer from. This book is about how to protect yourself from becoming sucked into drama, distorted feelings and paranoia that HCPs bring into our lives. The examples of HCPs that Eddy writes about are those we encounter in legal and business settings. HCPs waste vast amounts of taxpayer money through frivolous and bizarre litigation and can cripple businesses and demoralize their fellow employees with their angry and manipulative behavior. Eddy's advice seems counter-intuitive; he suggests listening to their complaints with what he calls E.A.R., that is Empathy, Attention and Respect. Anything less simply confirms their self-image of themselves as victims, makes their behavior worse and opens us up to being what he calls a target of blame on the HCPs part. We also risk getting sucked into the HCPs drama and taking their side and becoming a negative advocate and unwittingly making a bad situation worse. Eddy wisely writes that HCPs cannot tolerate the slightest amount of criticism and nothing we can do will change them. This is great advice. Other books about dealing with personality-disordered people suggest that we have the capacity to change them and frankly, it's absolutely futile. All we can do is steer clear of them. Eddy also suggests a communication style he calls B.I.F.F. This means keeping our communications with HCPs Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm and establishing strong boundaries with them (since they are incapable of establishing boundaries themselves). This is an invaluable book, clearly and concisely written, and thank you Bill Eddy for making your experience available to us!
• What a great book! This author not only understands challenging people (and sometimes it's us!), his scenarios are so real life that it is easy to see the consequences of certain courses of action we might take, want to take, feel compelled to take. This book is very readable. Very insightfull. Very helpful and understandable. Solutions are easy to grasp and apply because of those excellent scenarios. It is therefore very easy to recommend this book Overall truly excellent.
• This book has a habit of using gruesome, violent, and tragic crimes as examples of the personality disorders, which seems gratuitous and extreme. It's gotten to where I cringe every time I come to a case example. Surely not every individual with one of the four B-cluster personality disorders goes on to the heinous acts related in the book. Why the author continues to bring these up baffles the mind, and has been generally off-putting in an otherwise informative, well-written book. I've had to put it down and walk away and take a break.
• I love Bill Eddy and visit his website frequently. He is great at identifying high conflict people and describing their patterns of behaviors.
• I think everyone needs to be aware of the things that bill Eddie is describing in this book. I have at least 3 hcp people in my life and this helps tremendously. Thank you mr. Eddie for your amazing insight.
• This book helps to better understand the person who is always creating a conflict. The suggestions for being prepared to relate to these individuals while not escalating the problems are understandable and doable. It helped me to accept that the problem is not me but the other individual's personality and that my reaction can greatly affect the outcome.
• A must read for anyone who has experienced a "what-just-happened" or "where-did-that-come-from" interaction with a coworker, friend or family member. Those unexplained, what are you talking about moments that leave you baffled and still scratching your head. Bill Eddy provides a very beneficial process for managing those situations and difficult people. He helps readers understand what may be happening and how to separate oneself emotionally from what's going on in the moment. The exercises and examples are worth more than the cost of the book.